When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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