Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
