Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
