Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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