Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
a search helicopter?!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
