I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
