matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
