Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
