Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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