"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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