you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
