you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
