he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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