fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
