TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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