Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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