New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
