Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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