I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
