Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
