They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
