I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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