When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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