My Higher Power is John Stamos
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
In America we eat man semen.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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