I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
