I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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