Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
