considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
