Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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