She is in my trunk
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize