ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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