I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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