I wish I could teleport
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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