At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
