Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
