I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
