Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
