so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
