Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
