I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
