my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
