Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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