I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
