it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
