Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
