I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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