We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
