She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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