He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
