When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
