dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There's even glitter on my cock...
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