Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize