i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize