just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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