its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
