Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
