i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
