yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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