she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
