listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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