I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
