i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
