Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
