Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
