How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
