I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
