I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
