When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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