the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
