Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
