There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
