Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize