I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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