The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
