Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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