the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
