Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
