then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
