I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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