You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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