remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My bed smells like the plague
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