At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
