you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
