We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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