Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
