I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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