you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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