Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize