He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
