sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
