Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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