apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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