There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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