i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
