i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
