I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
