Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
