In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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