my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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