I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
