All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
