I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize