I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize