I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
