the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
