between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
