It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
