so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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