just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
